Acerca de
bonita
project
Bonita - pretty, beautiful, lively
I watched as she purposefully placed the tip of the pen and drew a feather. An eagle feather, the black top, the white bottom, all with the same pen but the shading and detail made it so beautiful in my eyes. With my little hands I tried to mimic her same fine lines and shading but my feathers did not compare.
2024, her life danced with the natural consequences of lifelong addictions and alcohol use. I knew it was coming to an end, between the many ambulance trips, the hospitals stays, and her neglect to take her medication. She knew it to. I had started making these wooden feathers as a way to pay bills and landed a large order. This funded my travels back and forth between Alberta and BC to be with her during that year. Now looking back I see just how significant these wooden feathers were throughout this journey. I wanted to make her one, one that was significant to us. And of course it had to be the black top, the white bottom, the eagle feather she once showed me how to draw.
I added details to represent us as family. The larger diamond at the top represents my nephew who she helped raise. The three smaller diamonds represent my three girls, my three.wild. There are two white pieces close together at the bottom of the feather, one smaller, one bigger, to signify my older brother and I.
This is the Bonita Feather.
I knew this feather was meant to have purpose but I wasn't sure what or how. I shared the significance of the design with a dear friend of mine, who knew my mom and our family during our most difficult years. She saw my moms deepest struggles and we discussed the Bonita Feather... and what if there could be a a Bonita House. A house where Indigenous woman like my mom could have a home, a room, be off the streets, not needing to subject themselves to a man for a roof over their head. What if there was a Home where they could have a sense of belonging, a counsellor they met with regularly. Maybe, just maybe even without the requirement of getting clean first. Because if we took the time to hear these women's stories, their life, their tragedy, could we expect them to give up the substances that “saved” them, or should we simply just love them first?
Summer 2024 I shared this idea with my family on our yearly trip to the ocean. I sat with my younger brother and as we looked over the water from the bank, we talked about the Bonita House. Him, knowing me, said, “Be ready to commit because once you start you will have to follow through.” As we had this discussion a gust of wind came, and out of the tree landing between us was a feather, an eagle feather to be exact.
Finding an eagle feather is a sign that you are headed in the right direction, it represents strength and wisdom.
The feather wasn't the black top and the white bottom that she drew for me those many years ago, but it's something equally amazing, it's an eagle's primary wing feather. To me, this means my moms story, her life, her addiction, it's meant to fly. It's meant to be strong and bold and carry the weight of all those like her, who suffered and continue to suffer like her, who just couldn't love themselves enough for whatever reason, to overcome their pain. Her story is meant to reunite moms with their children, it's meant to open the conversation of generational trauma and the mixture of substance abuse. It's meant to heal.
I was able to share this vision with my mom before she passed September 14, 2024. I promised her I would share her story, our story, and that hopefully one day, when there is a Bonita House it will help Indigenous woman like her have a safe place to just start where they are, to be loved and cared for and have a chance of healing with those they love before their addictions steal them away.
But until there is a Bonita House, there is the Bonita Feather, and for now we just start sharing her beautiful, broken, and now resurrecting story.
I created this butterfly with her feathers in the wings,
she absolutely loved butterflies.
~
During her last while she was still awake, there was a lot of healing that happened. A lot of regret over lost years. I know that music heals and fortunately there was this piano in the other room. I think her and I both needed this moment where love could be the biggest thing between us.
I'm so thankful I was able to tell her she was good, and so thankful I have this video forever to see the way she looks at me,
I was fortunate to teach this class the story behind the Bonita feather, the detail of the design and the impact generational trauma has had on my life. I watched this lesson unfold in a beautiful and unexpected way when they started to create their own feathers representing their own family.